No matter what kind of person you are, confident or not, you have and will experience some gut-wrenching, mouth-drying, fear at some point… You can feel it rise up inside, tying your stomach, throat and tongue together in its wake. It can freeze us, make us run, make us stronger, make us weaker, and do all sorts of funky stuff to our behaviour.
Anxiety is like fear’s side-show, or warm-up act. It gets us into the ‘right’ frame of mind so that rational decisions go out the window and clarity is nowhere to be seen. Now fear has the stage all to itself and it wants to dominate YOUR show. You gonna let it?
What are you actually scared of? Apart from the obvious fears and phobias, let’s look at some everyday life scenarios that can make you scared enough to stop you in your tracks…
- Doing it alone. Everything feels less scary when there is someone there to do it with us, but in life we find ourselves in many situations where we need to find the strength to do it alone. You got this! Trust yourself.
- They won’t like you anymore. Do you think that if you say or do something that feels right to you, then others may not like you anymore? Well you can’t please everyone and when you start speaking YOUR TRUTH, your kind of people will be there and loving it. Don’t be scared to be you.
- You have never done it before. Sure, first time we do anything it is scary but the more times we do it, the more normal it becomes.
- It won’t work. It is scary to think about putting in loads of effort and cost, then not getting any results. Yup, but it’s even more scary to think about having a life where you didn’t do anything in case it didn’t work…Take calculated risks and work your butt off to make it work.
- Looking stupid. We all have this fear! Be honest with others and yourself, do not promise more than you can do and always be willing to listen and learn. This will significantly reduce your chances of looking stupid. There is something undoubtedly attractive about a person who doesn’t think they know it all, doesn’t try to do things they won’t finish and is totally open to learning something from everyone.
If you want different results and new experiences to happen in your life, you have to practice different behaviours and make new habits. This is scary for the above reasons.
Remember, by practicing new habits and behaviours, you are not changing who you are to fit anything or anyone, you are simply expanding your mind, your comfort zone, and your abilities to deal with situations. Many of our behaviours and habits do not benefit us, so we develop more habits to counteract the effects of the first ones.
Like when we have bad eating, drinking, or thinking habits and it has bad effects on our health or weight, so we try a new diet, surgery or products to counteract the effects…Guess what, it doesn’t work because you never addressed the first habit, just the effects of it. Remember from the Size HH book, habits are neural pathways in your brain, the more times they are used, the clearer that path becomes and the easier it is to do it again. That goes for all habits, good and bad.
That also means, if you keep giving up on things when they become scary, it will be easier to do the same in future. Your brain will routinely get to the point you are not comfortable with, then the receptionist of your mind will say ‘whoa there girl this is danger zone, turn round and head back to safety’. You can’t blame her for being protective, but before listening to her and heading back to safety immediately, find the rebel in you and ask yourself this question – What if I couldn’t make a mistake?
What if nothing is a mistake (society just made us think it is), but everything is a lesson and learning curve instead? From that mindset you can leave some of that
fear at the door and think ‘Right, if things don’t go to plan here, at least I will know more about this first hand and will have learnt XYZ’.
Your purpose on this earth is to turn energy into matter. That means if you have a desire, an energy to do something, don’t ignore it! Don’t listen to the negative self-talk that anxiety produces. Turn that energy into matter. Turn it into a physical experience, turn it into a real product, or art, or, book, or invention or the physical gift of affection, forgiveness, whatever! Just do it.
No one gets to do any of these things without bumping into anxiety and fear along the way, no one. So you might aswell learn everything you can about how and why you feel it, and how to move past it quickly.
It’s also worth remembering that everything good usually comes after a feeling of being uncomfortable, especially for women (think child birth). If it feels fine and dandy, perfectly comfortable 100% of the time, you are not expanding and your habits will stay the same.
Of course, you and only you have the power to say when you will and will not tolerate feeling uncomfortable, because every situation is different. Ask any successful person though, they will tell you that good change feels uncomfortable first, pleasurable after, not the other way around.
Now let’s stop giving fear so much attention. If you feel anxious but still have the desire to do it, take the first step anyway, regardless of the outcome. You don’t need to see the whole path as they say, just keep taking it step by step. You will be so proud of yourself for having done something you were initially so scared of.
That my friends is how you kick fear up the proverbial butt, expand your mind and make your dreams into reality. Is it easy? Of course not. Is it worth it? Hell yes!
** I double dare you to do something you desire that makes you feel uncomfortable today! **
Have you overcome a fear and feel proud of yourself now? Tell us in the comments!