Unless you are Mowgli from The Jungle Book, or children of parents who provide zero boundaries or guidance, we are all brought up needing and seeking permission to do things. From home, to school, to college, to work, we usually have someone we can turn to for guidance that will say yes do it, that’s a good idea! Or no, you can’t/shouldn’t do that…
When we become adults, it can be hard for some of us to let go of that feeling of needing someone to reaffirm all our decisions. There is nothing at all wrong with seeking guidance from your closest people when you need it, I highly recommend it. It’s always reassuring to know that someone else would make the same choice as you, for sure.
Just for a minute though, imagine what you would do if you could make no wrong decisions? What would you do then?
Ultimately the decision is yours, no matter how much advice you take, so it’s understandable to feel the pressure of, ‘Am I doing the right thing’, or ‘Am I even on the right track’, and it can often lead to anxiety. Totally takes the fun out of things doesn’t it!
Trying to better yourself in any area of life is often scary stuff – it’s pushing boundaries and feels totally uncomfortable at times. Anxiety in these situations and the need for permission, both stem from the same place… A lack of trust in yourself somewhere…
For example, take a young thirty-something woman who knows she wants to do more with her health and body than she is now, but she is very busy and the thought of the whole effort seems so long and hard, that she puts it off and continues her daily routine. Then, when she has had enough of feeling crappy again, she goes for a gym membership, but only keeps it up few weeks or less, because she is filled with anxiety every time she goes to the gym on her own. Then it puts her off again for another few months, or more…
Why does anxiety show up for the party?
The minute there is an element of distrust in yourself, there will be anxiety, there will be insecurities. It means that there is a part of you that thinks you can’t do it, or that you are not good enough, or that you need this or that for it to work… We have ALL felt this at some point, it’s natural. When we feel like this, we seek reassurance as a form of permission from others. Someone to say, yes you’re doing awesome, keep going!
But what about when there is no one to give you the go ahead?
What about when you are branching out into something new that none of your friends and family are doing and it feels like you are the only one doing it?
In that case, you may not get the response you wanted from your usual support sources. They may be scared for you and they may judge from their own experiences (naturally). So many of us look for the permission to do it (or not do it) in the version of ‘a sign’ instead. Ah look this has happened, it’s a sign I shouldn’t do it etc etc…
Here’s what to do…
How to know what is the right thing to do for you? No one can answer that but you. After you have weighed up the pro’s and cons, remember that feelings and emotions are flippant, they can change like the wind and they don’t always help the situation. Listen to your gut, not the menacing self-talk. What do you really want? Whatever it is, I can almost guarantee it will not be a non-stop happy ride there. It will have ups and downs and hard times. It will probably feel VERY uncomfortable at many points along the way too and make you question if you are indeed doing the right thing.
Usually the best things in life come after a period of feeling uncomfortable because that is when the change occurs, that is when your brain is expanding to new things, new comfort levels! These things feel scary to everyone at first, but the more you practice, the more confident you will become and the fear subsides.
Your brain will physically change its structure to accommodate your behaviour over time. All you have to do is repeat it. We will go into all that and feeling fear on a separate blog.
For now, remember that you don’t need permission from anyone to be you. No one. If your heart desires something and it comes from a place of love, you do not need to seek permission or a signal, or the perfect circumstances to do it. You just have to do it and TRUST YOURSELF that you are good enough, you are worthy enough and even if you don’t quite know enough yet, you can learn whatever you need to know. It’s your unique life, you can’t live it wrong!
One to one support available soon to increase your personal value, trust and confidence whilst decreasing the anxiety and overwhelming situations. Contact us for more info.